Vicarious
by Jamieson Zed
Summary: A series of essentially one-shots documenting Jasper's observations of Edward's emotional states throughout the series, beginning pre-Twilight. Alternately titled "Observations of an Empath."
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Vicarious (_or alternatively:_ Observations of an Empath)

**Author:** Jamieson

**Rating:** PG

**Setting:** The first chapter takes place a little over a year pre-_Twilight_. This story will weave itself throughout the entire series.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing, not even the words. Only the order in which they were placed. That said, the ideas are mine - please do not post this anywhere else without my permission. Everything else belongs to Stephenie Meyer, and no money is being made from this.

**Author's Notes:** I made it my own personal philosophy a few years ago never to post a multi-chap unless I was finished, or close enough to finishing that delays wouldn't be an issue. However, I'm making an exception for this story since I'm planning on having each chapter, while related, essentially self-contained, so there will be no cliffhangers, etc. In that sense I could probably post any successive chapters separately as sequels, but I want to keep them all together, so I'm not. Just a quick warning though - because I'm treating these chapters are more a series of one-shots, I cannot guarantee when I'll have the next one up.

It should be fairly obvious from the title, if not the first little bit of the chapter, but just in case, this story is from Jasper's POV. This is my first attempt at _Twilight_ fanfiction, and I hope you enjoy it. Any and all feedback is, of course, greatly appreciated. Thanks!

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**Vicarious**

**Chapter 1**

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The trees rushed by like a solid emerald curtain. The exhilaration I felt as I ran through the forest was typical, but enhanced so much more by the presence of my brothers. I could feel their own euphoria just as they experienced it, my special ability adding those feelings to my own. I loved to be around my family in this wild, carefree state.

We returned home after having gorged ourselves on the hunt. The sun had made a rare appearance that day, and so my family had refrained from our daily lives – after just over a year in this town, the residents of Forks, Washington had become accustomed to our "family vacations" on such days. After all, Dr. Cullen was practically worshipped in his job, and his adopted children were quiet, perfect students. Only Edward and Alice, playing sophomores, would have any concern tomorrow when the clouds reconvened and we returned to the high school – they had been scheduled for a field trip today. There was no doubt in anyone's mind, however, that they would be able to smooth things over quickly with their teacher.

It had been a day of small group bonding. Alice and Rosalie had jumped at the chance to mount an attack on Seattle's biggest indoor mall, while Esme and Carlisle wanted to take advantage of his day off. Emmett, Edward, and I had decided to let them have the house to themselves for several hours. It was as much for our benefit as it was theirs – we may not have truly been related, and when you came right down to it I was actually older than Esme, but when you had pretended for as long as we had that two people were your parents, you began to see them in that way yourself.

So the three of us decided to take a hunting trip up in the mountains to pass the time. It hadn't been a necessary trip – for Edward and Emmett at least, whereas I had to hunt more frequently than they did – but it had been fun; it had been weeks since we'd spent the day together, just the three of us.

We weren't ready to end the "male bonding" when we arrived back home, so Emmett found a particularly brutal hockey game on satellite. Without any required pretense, we easily began acting the ages we portrayed to the world, cheering and groaning boisterously both at the large flatscreen and at each other. Carlisle joined us briefly while waiting for Esme, and then the two of them left for a night together in Port Angeles.

It wasn't long after that when the sound of Rosalie's approaching car and the garage door opening reached our sensitive ears.

Emmett glanced at Edward. "How much did they spend this time?"

Edward chuckled and shook his head. "Not sure...but they're quite pleased with themselves."

"And you'll be quite pleased with me, too," sang Rosalie as she glided into the room and straight to Emmett's lap. His eyes flashed mischievously.

My attention, however, was captured by the tiny goddess that followed. Immediately the overwhelming emotions I experienced at the sight of my beloved expelled from my body in a wave and enveloped her – I couldn't have stopped it even if I had wanted to. I felt Alice reciprocate with such intensity that, had I been human, I would be suffering the side-effects of lack of oxygen. Our gazes locked and held as she sat beside me, immersed in the emotion.

Dimly, I was aware of my sister's angelic voice as she added, "Would you like me to model my purchases for you?" before planting her lips firmly, and rather obscenely, to Emmett's own. I felt the sudden jolt of excitement and anticipation that coursed its way through my brother's body, and tried my hardest to block it out. Nothing new there.

Without another word – and indeed, without even bothering to remove his lips from hers – Emmett stood with Rose in his arms and all but ran from the room, the door to their bedroom upstairs slamming shut less than a second later.

Edward groaned and ran a hand over his eyes, massaging. "I really didn't need to see that," he muttered, and I felt the amused disgust eventually leave him as he concentrated and closed his mind to their thoughts.

Alice's laugh was music. "You should know better than to leave your guard down when they've been apart all day." She turned her eyes back to me, and I didn't need Edward's ability to know that she wasn't just referring to Em and Rose.

He chuckled again. "Must be having an off day."

I felt his eyes on us for only a fraction of a second, before sliding them quickly back to the game on-screen. I felt a jolt of emotion I wasn't expecting, lasting only for a second before it was tamped down. It could only have come from one source.

Edward was right – he _was_ having an off day.

Normally I managed to tune out the minor emotions of my family, just as Edward tried not to pry into the thoughts we didn't purposely send his way. It was impossible to block everything out of course, especially when it was brought about suddenly and with such vigour, as had been the case with Emmett only moments before. But decades of developing concentration and control – without which both Edward and I would surely have gone insane by now – kept out the mundane, everyday feelings of those around me...or at least kept them quiet enough that I was able to ignore it.

So the spike of disappointment that flashed from Edward's direction, so strong for the briefest of moments before he reigned it in – most likely his response upon realizing it was enough of a slip to catch my attention – was so sudden and unexpected that it caused a hiccough in my thought processes. Considering how much attention I had invested on the beautiful creature beside me at the moment, how caught up in our connection I was, the strength necessary for Edward's emotions to unconsciously pierce through was enough to concern me.

Alice noticed my sudden shift in attention towards our brother, who was now completely engrossed in the game. "What are your plans for the evening?" she asked him.

Both Edward and I turned our heads slowly – for our kind, at least – to look at her in disbelief.

"Why would you stoop so low as to actually _ask_ me?" Edward's tone and accompanying grin conveyed his amusement at her attempt at small talk, but I was in a unique position to sense the embarrassment he felt at being found out...at least, now that I was alert enough to look for it. The kid had serious control when he consciously applied it.

Alice and I both chuckled at his words, but fooling a mind-reader – even with decades of practice – was still a difficult task to manoeuvre. "I want to see who wins this game...don't you dare spoil it for me," he cautioned Alice. "After that..." Edward's eyes tightened ever so slightly in contemplation, "Perhaps I'll take my new toy out for a real test-drive."

"I still can't believe you bought yourself an Aston Martin," I replied, grinning.

"I told you he would," Alice gloated. I elbowed her gently in the ribs with mock irritation.

"Hey now, every boy should be indulged just a little on his _sixteenth birthday_," he explained, air-quoting with his fingers on the last part. According to our latest round of forged ID, the youngest member of the Cullen clan was finally of legal age to have a drivers' license – another forgery just to make life easier. I was grateful – Edward had no qualms about sharing his extreme annoyance when he was forced into the passenger seat.

I raised an eyebrow. "Dude. You bought James Bond's car."

"Your point?" Remarkably, he managed to keep a straight face...that is, until he heard the teasing thought in my head: _And you thought Rosalie was being ostentatious?_ He snorted before answering, "That's why I haven't had a real test-drive – I need to get out of town for that one."

"Where are you planning to take it?" Alice asked. We both looked at her again, but when I noticed the slight frustration on her face, I realized that Edward must not have thought that far ahead. It confirmed my suspicions that his evening plans were reactionary, and my earlier concern crept back up.

He thought for a moment and, at the same time as Alice, said, "Portland." He shook his head at her, amused. "That should be far enough for a good test-run."

Edward's reaction to thoughts of his "new toy" had blocked out any of the earlier negative feelings I had sensed, but I wasn't completely fooled. I knew emotions like he knew thoughts, and the tenor of those emotions emanating from Edward was off. I could not be absolutely certain, but my best guess would be that he was forcing the feelings of anticipation and excitement, probably to cover up what he didn't want me to sense.

Sure enough, as soon as those observations entered my mind, Edward's eyes snapped back to the television and he studiously avoided looking back in our direction as he groaned, with a bit more enthusiasm than was necessary, when a rather intricate and well-executed play resulted in the puck _pinging_ off of the post, rebounding wide of the net.

The pressure of Alice's hand squeezing mine brought my attention back to her, and I was once again enveloped in our connection. She leaned down and captured my lips in a slow, searing kiss. Despite my concern for my brother, my multitasking brain could not help but run away with itself on thoughts of my lover and our plans for the rest of the night.

"Oh, for the love of all that is holy – and in this one instance I'm actually including myself in that category," Edward interrupted us loudly, "Could you _please_ take that somewhere else?"

There was nothing but amusement audible in his voice, and sure enough when I pulled myself away from my wife and looked to him, the exasperation I saw in his face was all mocking and teasing. But because I had attuned myself so closely with him just moments before, I was able to catch what I normally would have missed: the tiny pings of embarrassment and even irritation, and the return of the disappointment that had initially disturbed me. There was a hint of something else, too – something I wasn't unfamiliar with thanks to so much time spent in proximity to high school students, but something I was so unaccustomed to experiencing amongst my own family that it both baffled and troubled me.

Jealousy. Edward was jealous...he was _envious_.

As I tried to process this, I noted another substance enter into the mix. This was something else I knew quite well, but I didn't have a name for it. Over the years, I had honed my ability to the point where I could not only sense and manipulate the emotional climate of the people around me, but I could tell whether or not their minds were in synch with those climates. Most of the time the synchronicity was there and I noticed nothing out of the ordinary, but whenever an emotion was experienced that the brain could not understand or accept – irrational feelings – I could perceive the mental battle that took place. The individual's consciousness would try either to figure out or understand the root of the issue or – _much_ more commonly – they would try to tamp down and rid themselves of the unwanted feelings, refusing to address that there _was_ a root cause behind it.

And I knew emotions. There was always a root cause.

Within an instant of his emotional broadcast, Edward had begun to fight those aberrant feelings I could sense. But unlike earlier when he had fought simply to keep me from sensing what he knew he was experiencing, now he was fighting _not_ to feel those feelings. He was as vexed as I was...or, to be accurate, he was probably more so, since lately I had begun to notice these slips a little more often – in particular, the disappointment at specific times. Times when the six of us – three marvellously matched couples completely and utterly in love with their other halves – would go off to be alone, leaving the only unattached Cullen to his own devices.

Evidently, this hadn't been as apparent to Edward as it had to me...he always did know the minds of others better than he knew his own.

Edward spent most nights alone, amusing himself with various pursuits. Periodically one of us – Esme in particular – would get a little concerned about this, but he would assure vehemently that it wasn't a problem, that the situation suited him just fine.

It wasn't too long ago that I myself had questioned Edward regarding his rejection of Tanya's advances. And while I had sensed a bit of guilt on his part – aside from Carlisle he had perhaps the most gentlemanly manner of all of us – he had truly seemed content to continue his solitary existence.

But lately...well, this wasn't the first time I had sensed that reluctant disappointment when night-time fell...granted, this time it seemed to be just the bit stronger. And it was especially prevalent on days like today, when hours of bonding and camaraderie came to an abrupt end, and Edward was left alone once again.

However, this was the first time I had ever really sensed any kind of jealousy or envy on his part, even if it was something he didn't seem to be capable of acknowledging at this time. That, more than anything else, was what really concerned me.

All of these thoughts flashed through my mind in a matter of seconds. I considered saying something to him, but I knew from the tension visible in his body and the mental struggle he was engaged in that this wasn't the right time...those types of conversations made him uncomfortable at the best of times.

Besides, he was a mind-reader – he knew that I knew something was wrong, and he knew that I was debating approaching him about it...I didn't really expect him to, but I would give him time to contemplate things and order his thoughts if and when he decided to talk.

Alice stood, taking my arm with her. "You heard the man, Jazz," she sang playfully, and began pulling me up and out of the room. "Have a good night, Edward!"

"Yeah," he muttered quietly, distracted. I glanced back at him as we turned to leave the room, and he had his head thrown back against the top of the couch and his eyes to the ceiling, completely oblivious to the hockey game he had tried so hard to seem interested in just minutes before. Obviously he realized by now that his charade had been a useless endeavour.

In no particular hurry, we began to mount the stairs. About halfway up, Alice suddenly stopped in mid-step. I whipped my head back to her and noted the frown marring her delicate features.

"San Fran?" she murmured quietly. Then she shrugged, her features smoothing, and moved to continue on up the stairs.

I tugged on her wrist gently, bringing her to a stop once again. "What was that?"

"Oh...he's not stopping in Portland. He decided to make a test-run all the way to San Francisco."

"What's in San Francisco?"

She shrugged again. "Nothing. I guess it's one way to pass the time, though. It should take him all night."

My concern mounted yet again, and I turned my head back in the direction of where we had left our brother, even though I couldn't see him through the walls. I could hear, however, and I noted when he turned off the television – clearly not waiting to see who won the game – and stood, making his way quickly to the front of the house. The sound of keys being snatched up from the credenza near the front door was followed a second later by said door being shut with a bit more force than was necessary. With inhuman speed I heard the garage door open, the revving of the _Vanquish's_ formidable engine, and the racing of tires down the long drive and onto the nearby highway.

Whether the decision to take off right away was a result of him trying to get away from the concern he heard in my mind, to get away from the conflict between his own mind and his emotions, or to get away from the house where he was surrounded by family but still isolated, I couldn't know. But no matter the reason, he was trying to _get away_ from something, and apparently he planned it so that he wouldn't return until just before it was time for us all to resume our "human" lives the next morning.

Caught up in my own thoughts, it took me a few seconds to realize that the concern I was experiencing was being amplified. I turned to Alice and noticed her gaze was also pointed in the direction mine had just been, as if trying to catch a glimpse of our wayward brother through the walls and the trees. She frowned again, and a look of dejected acceptance graced her elfin features.

"It won't do any good," she said, turning to me. "He won't talk about it until he can acknowledge that there's something wrong, and I don't see him admitting that to himself anytime soon."

I looked at her in amazement, but at the same time I wondered why I was so surprised. If anyone knew about any conflicts raging within the exceedingly controlled psyche of Edward Cullen, it was Alice. Even without her gift, the close kinship they shared allowed her to understand Edward in ways that only Carlisle could surpass. It was no wonder she could sense something off about his conduct in the present.

"Is there anything we can do?" I asked, knowing that simply trying to make ourselves more available for companionship during the night wouldn't work. Not only would it be obvious and extremely out of character, but once again Edward could read our thoughts – he would instantly know the motivations behind our actions. I was in a unique position to know what kinds of thoughts and actions caused him embarrassment and led to his closing off, and this would definitely be among them.

Alice pursed her lips and shook her head dolefully. "No. It's up to him to figure out what he really wants. He's convinced himself for eight decades that he's better off alone, that he doesn't need anyone else. It will take something quite exceptional to challenge that conviction."

Her words triggered my thoughts in a new direction, and I brought my hand up to caress her silken cheek. "It's amazing how the right person can come along and wreak havoc, fundamentally altering your own personal philosophy."

She smiled at me lovingly, and just a little smugly. She brought her own hand up to cover the one I had cupped to her face, holding it there for a few seconds before pulling my hand away and interlacing our fingers. We began to ascend the stairs once again.

"He'll be okay," she affirmed as we reached the upper hallway and headed in the direction of our bedroom.

I nodded and looked at my love's profile out of the corner of my eye as we walked. I hoped so. I loved my brother just as much as anyone in our family, and he was a good person no matter what he might think of himself. He could hear our thoughts, but he would never truly understand the feelings of euphoria and bliss we experienced with our other halves until he finally felt it himself.

I doubted if I could ever really do anything, but I vowed that if somehow there was a way for me to help Edward find the unfathomable happiness that had touched every member of our family save for him, I would do what was in my power. I owed him that much.

I spared one last moment of reflexive thought on my brother, but as we rounded the threshold into our room I found myself once again drawn into the all-consuming power of the connection I shared with the one woman who had ever truly justified my bizarre existence. Edward would be okay...we would make sure of it.


	2. Chapter 2

This chapter takes place during Bella's first day at Forks High, and contains major spoilers from the first chapter _Midnight Sun_, including a fair bit of dialogue...however, if you haven't read the _Midnight Sun_ draft (are there any of you still out there?), all you really need to know is that Jasper is having a particularly bad day as a result of testing his endurance and trying to see how long he can go without hunting.

This chapter ended up being quite a bit longer than I intended, and part of that is down to the fact that I kind of allowed myself to run away a little with some background stuff...Jasper just would not shut up! But nevertheless here it is, and I hope you enjoy. As always, feedback is greatly appreciated.

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I was in my own personal hell. And on top of that, my shin was throbbing.

"Sorry," I muttered, even though _I_ wasn't the one going around kicking people. It was possible Edward had intended to hit my chair and somehow missed...although, with that much force, he would undoubtedly have broken it, so maybe he had been aiming for me after all. I couldn't really blame him.

With my uttering of that one word, my family couldn't even pretend to ignore my plight anymore. I heard Alice's attempts to assure me that I would have been able to keep myself in check, without help, while little Whitney Stevenson's scent permeated my senses, the sight of her exposed throat invading my black eyes. Alice hardly ever kept the truth for me, but I had the distinct impression that this was one of those rare times.

She continued describing the human girl in detail, and I could not help my sullen response. My throat was burning with thirst and it made me grumpy.

"I know who she is."

I instantly regretted my tone, turning quickly to stare out the nearby window. I loved Alice beyond description, but her attempts to paint the picture of Whitney as a _"person" _were not helpful in the slightest, they only made things worse. Like I needed reminding of that fact, of her fragile humanness...of the beating heart she possessed, of the pumping of rich, warm, _viscous_ blood through her veins, of how it would be so easy just to stand up and walk over....

Alice stood up then, her delicate hand grazing the back of my arm as she did so, and proceeded to exit the cafeteria. I latched on to the distraction the brief contact provided and willed myself to reign in my baser instincts. I was stronger than this, I could handle it.

My love's sudden departure worried me slightly, but I knew she would forgive me, she always did. No doubt the next time I saw her, all would be forgotten. But still, I would attempt to make up for it – Alice deserved so much better than me and my weak self-control, and I wasted no opportunity to try and even the score a little.

Vaguely I was aware of Edward and Emmett discussing something regarding the new student and her reaction to the gossip surrounding our family, but my mind was preoccupied with ways in which I could appease my wife – at the very least, it gave me something safe to focus on. She would know immediately when I settled on a particular possibility, but I was used to that – at the very least, she could warn me ahead of time if she would appreciate it or not, and she certainly had no qualms about doing so. But I prided myself on very rarely getting it wrong, I knew her too well for that.

The creeping of confusion that came over Edward was so slow in building that I paid it no heed until it strengthened to the point where I could not consciously ignore it. I broke my eyes away from the window and stared at him across the table; his gaze was locked on some object behind where I was sitting. I watched, feeling my own confusion, as his eyes narrowed and his jaw clenched as if in concentration, and a new emotion engulfed him and overpowered all others – frustration.

_What's wrong?_ I asked him silently.

There was no way he could not have heard me, but he apparently chose to ignore me, still concentrating hard on whatever was behind me. I resisted the urge to look back and make Edward's blatant staring even more obvious – we didn't need any more attention than we already got – but I did flick my eyes over to Rosalie and Emmett, who were in a better position to see what had so caught our brother's attention. They both, however, seemed oblivious to his behaviour.

It was only moments later, however, when Rosalie sighed and pulled her eyes away from Emmett. "Shall we?" she asked, indicating the time.

The words, spoken aloud, appeared to have succeeded where my silent query had failed, and Edward snapped back to the present, looking around the table at the three of us. I felt his frustration turn to relief and just the slightest bit of determination as he relaxed his tense body.

"So, is the new one afraid of us yet?" Emmett asked, and I was momentarily confused until my immaculate, multitasking vampire mind connected his question to the exchange he and Edward had shared regarding the new girl while my mind had been preoccupied with not massacring the adolescent population of Forks.

A spike of that earlier mix of confusion and frustration coursed through Edward, albeit with much less intensity than it had before. It dissipated quickly, and he shrugged in response.

I realized this must have been what had had him so preoccupied moments before, but instead of restoring confidence, this revelation had me more on edge. How could a mere human girl cause such a reaction in the normally stoic Edward Cullen?

We stood up from the table, intending to make our way out of the cafeteria and towards our next class. As I stood and turned I took the opportunity to survey the room behind me, my eyes instantly recognizing the new Swan girl for the simple reason that I could_ not_ recognize her. In a school as small as this, one didn't need to have a superior memory to single her out. In the fraction of a second I allowed my eyes to linger, I took in the details of the short brown-haired, fair-skinned human sitting across the room.

It was only much later that I recalled the blood pooling in her cheeks as she blushed, so perplexed was I at my brother's reaction that it didn't register in that moment – now _that_ was saying something, considering my fragile state of control.

There really was nothing particularly remarkable about her, this Isabella Swan. What about her had captured his attention with such intensity? He had been staring at her with such concentration, in such frustration...the only times I could ever recall seeing Edward in that state occurred when he tried to pry information out of the mind of someone – usually one of us, purposefully trying to block him out – who was studiously avoiding thinking about whatever it was he wanted to know.

But what could possibly be of such monumental significance as to prompt such scrutiny? Aside from the occasional bit of entertainment, the only things in the minds of these high school kids that ever concerned Edward involved someone noticing something they weren't supposed to, something related to our family. Even then, a simple slip-up by one of us was not unheard of, and had never resulted in such a reaction as I had just witnessed – we were fairly efficient at covering those up.

No, this had to be something much bigger than that.

Was that it? Had this little human girl somehow stumbled upon the truth of our secret? It was the only possible explanation I had at that point in time. But if so, why had Edward not said anything? Why had he shrugged off Emmett's question as if he knew nothing of importance? I must have read him wrong, confused some emotion with something else.

Except...that just didn't happen. Not to me.

It must be something else, some other reason for his reaction that I could not anticipate. Still, he would have said something if it concerned us....

Perhaps I was overreacting. It was probably nothing, he probably just overheard something particularly affronting to his primmed countenance, and I was making a big deal out of nothing. I was exhausted mentally, my throat in a constant state of torment, my self-control at an all-time low. I would need to hunt, and soon. Tonight.

Edward was around the corner and off in the opposite direction before I had a chance to ask him anything. Sure he could hear my thoughts, but that didn't really help _me_ get any answers out of _him_. But I was willing to let it go for now – I trusted him, we all did, and if whatever had occurred back in the cafeteria was any kind of threat to us, he would have warned us.

I broke off from Rosalie and Emmett to head to my own class, willing myself to relax and forget about Edward for the next little while. I stepped through the threshold into the classroom and made my way to my usual seat against the far wall. Unlike my siblings, I preferred to sit in the front row. True, I was more visually obvious that way, but it was near impossible to stare at my fellow students from this position without them noticing, and therefore helped to tame the temptation I had to bore my eyes hungrily into the backs of their necks...a temptation that inevitably led to an even _greater_ temptation.

As I passed the teacher's desk on the way to my seat, Mr. Kassen greeted me, "Good afternoon, Mr. Hale."

"Sir," I nodded back politely, smiling. Alfred Kassen, an elderly man approaching retirement but retaining a sharp mind, was one of the few teachers I could tolerate at this school – indeed, one of the few I had been able to tolerate over the past few decades. It helped that he taught the one class that held even the slightest bit of interest for me: American History.

Normally I detested how the subject was slaughtered in secondary schools, but Mr. Kassen was different. His knowledge on the subject was impressive, even for a teacher, and he seemed to have almost perfect recall of it, too. And he was much more open to alternative views than most teachers I had run across. I had been through this charade countless times, but rarely did I come across a teacher who was so willing to challenge the claims made by Board-approved textbooks, who deliberately assigned his students to read opposing accounts and try to weasel out the truth for ourselves.

Despite the thirst clawing at my body, I relaxed a little as I slid gracefully into my seat. Last week we had begun the unit on the Civil War, and I was anxious to start the lesson. Mr. Kassen's was the only class where I actually volunteered anything to the discussion of my own accord, and much of the last several days the discussions had devolved into a good-natured debate between myself and the teacher. Luckily, the few times it had come up, I managed to catch myself just in time to prevent accidentally revealing details that were simply unknowable to a 21st century high school student.

After the first day last week I had been concerned about monopolizing the class and drawing more attention than usual. Edward had assured me, however, that most of the students had enjoyed the class, if for no other reason that my occupying Mr. Kassen had left them with a period of relative freedom in which to let their minds wander. I had been so engrossed in the discussion that, while I had noticed a number of my classmates relax more than was normal during that period, I had apparently been oblivious as to the reason behind it.

And ironically, it seemed that my overzealous treatment of the subject helped to ease the minds of my classmates regarding my rather strange behaviour and personality – I was well aware that I fit in even less than my wife and siblings. But after the past week those students who were in my history class, at the very least, thought they had finally figured me out – I was a loner history geek. It seemed that label had softened my "freak" image just a little, supposedly helping to explain my weirdness, and put the rest of the class a little more at ease in my presence.

I shrugged mentally – whatever worked.

Mr. Kassen wasted no time in getting the lesson started, and within minutes had brought up a rather controversial issue – at least, according to the wholly inadequate class textbook – and I noticed his eyes flicking repeatedly in my direction. I grinned ever so slightly, knowing my teacher had enjoyed the past week of debates as much as I had, and decided to put an end to the foolish argument he was trying to put forth. I could tell from the mild irritation emanating from him that he knew quite well how stupid the point he was trying to make was, and he was hoping desperately that his students would call him on it. I didn't need Edward's ability to realize that Mr. Kassen truly cared for his students' education, and he wanted them to learn when to question what they were being told...especially when it was so obviously illogical.

I raised my hand, and was rewarded with a wave of relief expelling from the elderly teacher. There was a hint of annoyance in there as well – he had clearly been hoping that someone else in the class would have either the insight or nerves to challenge his claims. I didn't take it personally.

Our debate began again, picking up from the previous class as if no time had passed, and now that I was consciously aware of it, I felt the familiar floods of relaxation and lethargy steal across a number of the students in the room as they realized my bizarre but acceptable enthusiasm would spare them from another hour of tedium. I had sensed a few of the more interested students gradually working up their nerve over the few days to jump in between myself and Mr. Kassen, and when Josh Brenning finally offered his opinion, it seemed to open the gates for a couple of others, and for once the debate expanded beyond myself and the teacher.

I found myself reluctantly enjoying a discussion with these children, and felt a very odd twinge of acceptance in that moment. Best of all, having something to focus on allowed my self-control to reassert itself.

Perhaps this day just might not end in a bloodbath after all.

It was impossible for me to block out the emotions of those around me completely, but I managed to keep it all in the back of my mind, like background chatter, and it was easily ignored. I did note right near the beginning of the period, however, a slight stab of emotion, seemingly a mix of anger and hate, anguish and torment – and perhaps even the smallest bit of fear – all rolled into one. It was strong enough to catch my attention, but still incredibly weak, so I doubted it belonged to anyone in my classroom – probably someone in the room closest to this one.

Those types of emotions weren't necessarily uncommon; I tended to intercept similar combinations when some dramatic romance met its inevitable doom. This was a usual time of the day for it, too – from my empathic experience it seemed that most emotionally-charged high school breakups tended to occur during or just after lunch.

Why that was, I didn't particularly care, just as this latest knowledge of yet another failed adolescent relationship really meant nothing to me at all – it actually surprised me that I wasted even a fraction of my mental capacity in its acknowledgment. Grateful that whoever was projecting those emotions was far enough away that I could easily ignore them, I pushed them to the back of my mind where the emotional climates of the rest of the nearby student population resided.

Naturally the only class I enjoyed was the only class that did not drag on for an excruciating eternity, and all too soon I found myself wading through the mass of warm-blooded bodies, grateful for the superior reflexes that enabled me to navigate the hallway without coming into contact with anyone. I had recovered from my lapse during the lunch period, and was fairly confident in my self-control, but still...it was best not to tempt fate.

That one emotional awareness, the one that for reasons unknown had momentarily caught my interest right after lunch, grew just slightly in intensity, suggesting that I was now in closer proximity to the owner of those emotions. I still did not understand how or why that particular awareness seemed to seep into my conscious thoughts so easily, but when it did I noted the absence of the rage that had been there before, replaced by even more torment and fear. The fear perplexed me, but I gave it no more than a cursory acknowledgement – it wasn't my business. Within a few moments the emotional climate weakened more so than before, indicating a distance between myself and the individual once again.

I entered Mrs. Taylor's English classroom and shook my head imperceptibly to clear my thoughts. I could only deduce my lack of concentration in keeping the elevated emotions in check was down to my weakened state of mind. I vowed never to go this long without hunting again, not if I planned to keep up the human charade – I was reasonably certain that I wasn't about to make any mistakes, but the effort was mentally fatiguing.

I nodded to Rosalie when she entered the room and took the seat behind me. She wasn't particularly enamoured with sitting so close to the front of the classroom, but she recognized my plight and was supportive. We had an easy relationship – simple, but we understood each other.

Class started, and Mrs. Taylor began the most tedious lecture of all time...although I suppose that couldn't be right, since all of her lectures were as tedious as the next. She was the polar opposite of Mr. Kassen, and as I had anticipated, the time crept at a snail's pace.

Considering I was already facing eternity, the ability to slow time down even further was actually quite remarkable.

The final bell rang and the class as a whole went to stand up in their bid to freedom, but Rosalie and I remained unmoved, having been forewarned by Alice. Sure enough, not two seconds had passed before the rest of the students reluctantly sat back down, grumbling, as they were ordered, and Mrs. Taylor kept us all for a few extra minutes while outlining her expectations for an upcoming assignment. When we were finally granted our freedom, Rose and I hurried to the parking lot, knowing the others would be waiting for us.

Which was why, when we arrived at the car and Edward was nowhere in sight, I was confused. Alice wrapped her arms around me and while I revelled in her embrace, her nature of her proud smile – which I immediately understood to be the result of my restraint holding throughout the day – made me a little uncomfortable. I turned to look at Emmett.

"Where's Edward?" I asked.

"Dunno," he replied, distracted, as he pulled Rose tightly against his body. "Jerk skipped Spanish, not that I blame him. Just wish he took me with him." I had to fight to close myself off from the lust that assaulted me from their direction.

I looked down at the goddess in my arms to ask if she knew what was going on, but before I could get the words out she leaned up and captured my lips in a kiss. It was rather chaste – at least by the standards currently being set by Rosalie and Emmett – but it seared throughout my body, making me forget that I even had a brother.

We pulled away and smiled at each other while Rose and Em kept at it, making quite the display. It wasn't until the offhand yet disgusted "Get a room!" was uttered that Rosalie broke away and turned to the small group of passing students from whence the comment originated. Had we been human we could not possibly have been able to hear it, and clearly freshman Jordan Henley was under that same impression. We watched as his smug grin faded and his eyes went wide when he caught Rosalie's icy glare, and I felt the astonishment and fear roll off of him in waves. He ducked his head to look at the ground and began walking faster; his friends, who realized they had also come under the scrutiny of the school freaks, quickly followed his lead.

The four of us burst out with laughter.

We were all still shaking with mirth a minute later, when suddenly it was back. That strange mix of anger and torment and fear – and now accompanied by a strong feeling of desperation – bloomed up again and took priority within me. I had been at a loss to figure out why it had so captured my attention throughout the afternoon, but it was easy for me to realize why this particular emotional climate was so obvious in _this _moment – the intensity was staggering, even to me. And it was growing stronger by the second.

Emmett was asking me about some sort of game and punched my shoulder when I didn't reply, but I ignored him. Instead I clamped my jaw against the influx of raw emotion and quickly turned to scan the parking lot, trying to decipher who was being so affected. I felt Alice squeeze my hand in concern and I squeezed back to reassure her, but continued to search the area. The feelings were so powerful that I could not seem to isolate the point of origin.

"Finally," Rosalie muttered, and then...

"What the _hell_ is he doing?!" she hissed out at the same time that I caught sight of our wayward brother emerging from the direction of the school's main office. I felt multiple waves of apprehension and anger hit me from my surrounding family as we watched Edward all but fly across the parking lot towards us. It was astonishing, really, that no one else seemed to notice him or the inhuman speed with which he moved – we were lucky that many of the students had already fled the premises.

This careless action – by _Edward_, of all people – was enough to snap me out of my search for the individual behind the overwhelming emotional bombardment my senses. When I focused on him, however, it felt as if those radiating sensations were intensified to a narrowed precision, like a magnifying glass focusing a beam of light.

And then it clicked. It was _him_. The rage, the anguish, the pure, unadulterated torture...it was all coming from Edward.

My eyes widened in surprise, my mind's ability to multitask once again taking over. If that were true, if I had been him all along that I had experienced...the sheer magnitude of his emotions was almost too much to grasp. My ability had a much more limited range than Edward's in regards to proximity – I had to be fairly close to someone in order to intuit their emotional being, usually within a few dozen yards. The element of depth, however, played a role and stronger feelings could natural be felt over larger distances.

If he had been in the vicinity of his appropriate classroom at the time – and I had no reason to doubt that, as I had seen him heading in that very direction just minutes beforehand – then the weight of undiluted emotion bottled within him was simply mind-blowing. Mr. Kassen's classroom was clear across the school from Edward's biology lab.

He approached us with determination in his eyes – the charged climate of emotions that struck me at the proximity was nothing less than agony in its severity – and did not stop until he had slammed the driver's side door of the Volvo behind him. We all quickly climbed in, the bewildered tension thick in the air...air that Edward was violently sucking into his lungs as if he actually needed it. His hands were balled up into fists against the steering wheel.

I had to grip onto Alice's hand so tightly in order to calm _myself_ – such was his effect on me – that I was actually concerned that I might do damage.

"Edward?" she asked him in alarm, concerned for the both of us.

His only answer was a shake of his head, and I had to struggle through another wave of staggering sensation.

"What the hell happened to you?" Emmett all but yelled; it took a lot to upset him.

I was now breathing almost as heavily as Edward, trying my best to calm my mind down with the soothing repetition. There was too much raw emotion in the car – Edward alone was overwhelming, but on top of that I had to deal with anger and anxiousness of the others, not to mention my own delayed reaction to my brother.

My system was overloaded, trying to process too much too quickly. It was enough to cause me excruciating mental and physical pain.

My eyes were screwed up tightly, and I had to pry my fingers from Alice's for fear of harming her. Sensing my plight as only she could, she grabbed my wrist and guided my hand to her leg, and I gripped onto her small but much more durable thigh. My other hand was wound tightly through my hair as I leaned as far forward as the passenger seat in front of me would allow, trying desperately to deal with everything and failing.

It was a few long moments later that I was capable of registering the smooth movement of the car speeding away from the school. My unnecessary breathing began to slow as I started to regain some control over my senses, and I realized that Edward, too, was beginning to calm down ever so slightly. I allowed my claw-like grip on Alice's leg to relax, and sat up slowly, my eyes gradually relaxing and opening once more.

Emmett and Rosalie were already staring at Alice questioningly when I managed to drag my eyes to her face. She looked at all of us in turn and shrugged, then stared forward blankly in an attempt to find some answers. I allowed my fingers to intertwine with hers again, having regained enough control – she was strong enough that I could never actually crush her hand, but I didn't dare dream of causing her any sort of discomfort.

Suddenly, her eyes refocused and a wave of confusion coursed through her as she stared at Edward's rigid form behind the wheel. "You're leaving?" It was barely a whisper, and I felt her sorrow at the idea.

"Am I?" he hissed. While his tone alone would have been enough to tell me, the painful spike of hopeful desperation I felt in that instant made it clear that he wasn't sure exactly what he was planning on doing.

"Oh," was Alice's small reply, and then she repeated the monosyllable with greater realization. The three of us were as confused as ever as we listened to them, at a loss as to what was going on.

The rage and torment suddenly flared again, and I had to fight to keep from doubling over. My free hand flew to my neck as a visceral agony that was not my own ghosted down my throat, causing a sudden excretion of venom to pool in my mouth.

"Stop!" I heard Edward's strangled voice choke out, and I would have echoed his plea had I been able.

The guilty concern washed off of Alice as she whispered in apology. It mixed with just the slightest hint of horror.

_What the _hell_ was going on here?!_

Alice still held the glazed look that crossed her features when she was looking to the future, and I felt her begin to relax emotionally as well as physically as she sat beside me, as some more agreeable vision of the future evidently came to her. Edward followed almost immediately, having the advantage to see what she did. Finally it was my turn – the intense bombardment of emotions never ceased, the physical pain never left completely, but both dropped off to a level where I could at least attempt to exercise some control.

Never in my century and a half could I remember ever feeling so powerless when it came to my empathic abilities.

Having regained some semblance of control, I resisted the intense urge to shrink away from what remained of Edward's emotional barrage and instead forced my mind to hover around the edges, probing for some sort of information. It was then I remembered the venom that now coated my mouth and throat, and the memory of the pain – a mere pinprick compared to what it had been only moments before – brought me crashing down on the realization that I had been intuiting from my brother such an intense, lustful hunger the likes of which I could never recall experiencing myself.

Then the gears in my head locked into place, and at least one mystery of the day was solved. The anger, the anguish, the desperation, the hint of fear...those feelings that had called out to me after lunch despite their faint presence? It was the same composition – if on a much grander scale – as what I myself would experience in my more profound moments of weakness, when I could barely hold on to my resolve or – as had unfortunately happened a few times over the last fifty years – when I lost the battle and succumbed to the purely instinctual creature inside of me that yearned for human blood.

The familiarity was what had captured my attention. And as I experienced the intensity with which Edward currently felt those emotions, even after having calmed down significantly from only a few minutes before, I realized something quite unsettling....

Throughout my immortal life I had always known what I was capable of, but never once had that knowledge produced the tiny thrill of fear that now coursed through my body. Ever the poster boy of impeccable restraint, if _Edward_ was capable of such animalistic abandon...I didn't even want to think about it.

I heard Alice speak again, but I was too caught up in my own thoughts to pay her words much heed...something about Edward leaving once again. It wasn't until the car jolted to a stop, the autonomic response of my muscles reacting to the inertial shock catching my attention, that I brought myself back to the present and noted our proximity to home.

Emmett and Rosalie both exited the car, and I looked to Alice for an explanation. She merely squeezed my hand and nodded, turning back to stare at Edward. I got the hint and opened the car door beside me. As I stepped out and away from the car, I stumbled suddenly, still not in complete control of my body. Rosalie noticed and was quickly at my side, an arm around my back to steady me as my stone legs fought to keep from buckling.

I had not felt this physically vulnerable since the Southern wars.

I was attempting to regain my equilibrium when I heard Alice, still in the car, trying to reassure our brother.

"She's Charlie Swan's only family. It would kill him, too."

Another piece of the puzzle fell into place as I absorbed those words. Swan...Isabella Swan. The object of Edward's inexplicable fixation at lunch.

I was incredulous. _All of this was because of _her_?! The indescribable weight of emotion, the staggering pain I was being forced by proxy to deal with, was being brought about by that unremarkable _girl_?! _

That realization alone was almost enough to send my already wavering form crashing to the ground.

Alice joined us then, her delicate features contorted in worry. Without a word she moved into the trees bordering our long driveway, lost in thought and most likely searching for a vision. We followed after her, noting the screech of tires as Edward spun his car around and sped back down the highway.

Rosalie kept an arm around my shoulders as I recovered, finally free of Edward's crushing presence. The sudden absence of the tortured emotions left my body in a state of confusion, almost as if suffering the effects of sensory deprivation. I gave her a weak but grateful smile, and she rubbed my shoulder affectionately...right before tugging me a few inches to the left so that I would avoid bulldozing the tree in my path. I redoubled my efforts to organize my mind and body, and to get them back in synch with one another.

Even at my unusually slow pace we arrived at the house in less than a minute. Alice and Emmett arrived first, Emmett's unanswered demands for information growing louder and enticing Esme out of the house. She was on the front porch as we approached, and immediately I felt her concern grow as she took in my appearance.

"Jasper!" she called and rushed forward. I was still slightly hunched over, head hanging, as I concentrated on walking in a straight line – I could only imagine how I must look to her. We walked inside and I grudgingly allowed her to fuss over me in the maternal role she so loved, conceding when she all but pushed me down onto the couch in the living room.

Once the five of us were all seated, questions were flung in Alice's direction. She was beside me, having snapped out of her trance-like state upon entering the house. I could still feel the concern within her, but it was tempered now by a calm feeling of acceptance. Whatever vision had most recently passed through her mind, it had helped to put her at ease. I embraced those waves of calm and used them to help myself refocus; I could feel my mind and body slowly returning to normal.

One thing was for sure, though – if I had thought earlier today that hunting would be necessary should I care to entertain any notions of being in proximity to humans tomorrow, then right now it was just downright _necessary_, period. I was utterly drained.

Surprisingly though, hunting was only second on my list of priorities. I needed to know what was going on – I would be damned even more than I already was if I allowed myself to be left in the dark much longer about what I had just unwillingly experienced.

Either she sensed my need for information or she was simply becoming irritated by the increasingly demanding questions – I sensed it was a bit of both – Alice finally launched into the story, telling us as much as she knew. I added a few insights, but otherwise remained quiet, not wanting to dredge too far into the recent memories of overwhelming empathy.

Carlisle returned home in record time, surprising us initially because it was the Volvo's engine, and not the Mercedes', that we heard racing up the drive. By the time Alice finished the story and Carlisle had added his own knowledge, having spoken with a frantic Edward shortly after we were dropped off, I had pretty much recovered physically from the strain of the short but monumental ordeal.

But mentally? Emotionally?

That was going to take a little longer.


End file.
